Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, “Abba, as far as I can I say my Little Office. I fast a little. I pray. I meditate. I live in peace and as far as I can. I purify my thoughts. What else am I to do?”Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands towards heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he responded, “If you will, you can become all fire.”
This story from the Desert Fathers has always fascinated me. Whilst most of the stories in the desert fathers are about novices learning from masters, about them coming to purity and maturity, this one suggests a tantalising glimpse of what comes next in a life of contemplation.In line with most mystics, he is unable to explain it adequately with words. so he simply says, “you can become all fire!”. The rest is left for the reader to interpret.
As I have mentioned previously, this last few months have seen me move into a realm of meditation experience which I didn’t know existed, and which I had not sought out.The best description I have of it is of the buddhist jhanas, although everyone’s exprience of these is slightly different. That’s a topic which I’ll explore elsewhere, and I must stress the fact that I have not been following a “buddhist path” in my meditation practice.
What I find happening when I enter this state of bliss/jhana, is that as my senses fade away, I am first in a realm of light and love and ecstasy. As this state deepens and stabilises, my mind comes to a realm of intense clarity – so much so that it’s like I can see all that is around me, filled with light, filled with bliss. It’s like a clear seeing, even though my eyes are shut and I am far away from the realm of the five senses.My body also, as I turn my mindful attention to it in this state, seems to be filled with light.Now, I have practiced various visualisations over the years, and one particular relaxation exercise in imagining the body filled with light. These have been wonderful, but completely incomparable to what I am experiencing now when I enter this realm of bliss. The visualisation exercises were like looking at a paining of a mountain landscape, whereas now I am actually in the mountains, looking at the raw landscape around me.
My body seems to burn with energy, with white fire, when I am in this clarity state of bliss/jhana. My awareness is of vastness and expanse all around me, as though I can see to the far horizon. It’s extremely subtle, but not something I am fabricating with my mental capacity for visualisation. It’s not a vivid, lucid dream landscape which I am familiar with from intensive visualisation practice, it’s all Light.
As I was dwelling in this blissful state the other day, the phrase about “becoming all flame” from the Desert Fathers came to me unbidden. I had always taken it to be a reference to the Holy Spirit experience at Pentecost. Yet as I sat in the blissful state of jhana, surrounded by the love of god, I had an insight – what if this is what the desert fathers were talking about? They must have spent years in contemplation in the silence of the desert, so presumably they accessed mental states or spiritual states similar to those experienced by other meditators such as buddhists. So what if “Becoming all fire” really was an experience of the energy body, this white fire which I am seeing myself?
An interesting thought. I think its true for all of us who practice silence and contemplation, should we will it to:
“If you wish, you can become all fire.”
Blessings to you today.